First Clinical Day

Today was my first day of clinicals, and honestly I’m nervous to say anything at all since HIPAA has been pounded into my head. I think I’m allowed to say that it went well and that I didn’t kill anyone. I woke up at 4:30am. Yes, in the morning. Did yall know that it's still completely dark outside at that time? Ya know why? Cause it's the middle of the night! But anyways, today was pretty basic. We got oriented to the floor and the staff, and did physical assessments on a few patients. It was actually kind of cool to see tubes and drains and suction and wounds. I thought it would completely gross me out, and honestly at some point, I know there will be something that will make me gag or want to die. But for today, no dry heaving for me! Yay! (it’s the little things, really). As our clinical instructor was giving us a tour of the unit and showing us all the supplies, she kept saying “this is a blah blah tube, and you’ll use this for…and you’ll clean it like this…and if this happens, you do this…and if you have a patient with this, make sure you do this…and remember when giving these meds to do this…and don’t forget to always do this…” Now, granted, we are all NA's and have some basic skills and knowledge, we are currently on our first chapter of our first semester in nursing school. We are learning head to toe physical assessments. So as our instructor is telling us every possible situation that might occur for the next 2 years and what instruments and equipment to use in each circumstance, our faces are blank. At first I felt the back of my neck get hot, as my brain started to saturate. I was anxious. I was on the edge of panic. I may have looked fine on the outside, but on the inside my brain was yelling “WHY ARE YOU DOING THIS? YOU DON’T KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT ANYTHING. YOU CAN’T BE A NURSE! QUIT NOW!” I took a second, zoned out, and collected my thoughts. Just as I was about to leave to take a bathroom/mental break, I turned around to see the faces of my 6 other classmates. I could not have been happier with what I saw. Their faces were blank, their eyes were glossy, and they had the same look of sheer panic on their face. It was in that moment that I knew I was not alone in my fears. When we stopped for lunch we all just looked at each other, wondering what the other was thinking. Finally someone said “well that was completely overwhelming and I honestly still have no idea what I’m doing”. That honesty was all it took to burst the bubble. Suddenly all 7 of us were talking at the same time. It was then that we all realized that none of us knew what we were doing and that we all felt the same way. There is some instant bond that forms when you realize that you are not alone in your feelings. So we laughed it off, promised to help each other as much as possible, and went on with our days with a renewed sense of comfort. If I learned nothing else on my first day of clinicals, I learned that there is a power and a strength in numbers, and that it’s okay to rely on other people. Sometimes you will need them, sometimes they will need you. Nursing is a give and take, with your patients, with your coworkers, with your friends, and just in general.