JTH Class of 2007

With local high school students graduating tomorrow, I’ve been thinking a lot about my own high school graduation 5 years ago. I was at a good place in my life. I was happy, I had plans for the future, and I had friends and family supporting me. And yet all I can remember about my high school graduation is the panic that set in the actual day of graduation. I don’t remember being sad about leaving my friends, or excited for my accomplishment. I remember the panic. What was I so panicked about, you may ask. What am I almost always panicked about? Fear. Two of my uncles, my aunt, and my grandmother all flew down from Maine and Connecticut for the occasion, which was so nice. And yet that didn’t help with the building anxiety. The 4 local high schools are on a rotation for graduation times, and that year my school was set to graduate last, at 7pm. This meant I had a whole day to prepare for graduation. Some of my friends spent the day going to parties or getting their hair or nails done. I spent the day curled up in fetal position in my parents water bed. Something in my brain was telling me “you can’t do this. It’s a crowded auditorium. You’ll panic and get stuck and make a fool out of yourself in front of tons of people, including your family. Stay in bed. Don’t go”. I sat in bed crying and shaking and generally feeling nauseated at the thought of going to graduation. I knew I had to go and walk and do it. My family had flown in just to see my graduate; I couldn’t let them down! And so with some coaxing from my parents, I got myself out of bed, put on my dress, cap, and gown, and rode down to UNCW with my dad. I honestly don’t remember standing in line with my classmates, or sitting in the crowd, or even walking across stage to get my piece of paper. I vaguely remember going back to a classroom and getting my actual diploma, and taking pictures with friends. But all in all, graduation was not a wonderful memory for me. In fact, when I think back to my high school graduation, yes I’m proud that I graduated (especially since the odds were against me at one point), but I think what I’m most proud of is the fact that I did it. I went to graduation. I think that walking across that stage was my one final hoorah to high school panic.

Elon Graduation

Congratulations to the Elon University class of 2011. We did it! After 4 years of all nighters in Belk, countless bricks tripped on, delicious killer cookies, more squirrels than students, and watching a restaurant switch from Cantina to Brown and Co to Town Table, we did it! I’m not sure where these past 4 years have gone, and I will admit that there were moments when it felt like time was creeping along so slowly, but somehow overall it all happened so fast.

I have made the majority of my best friends at the school and they have helped me to become the person that I am today. I could not have chosen a better school for me, and I definitely could not have chosen a better major. I am filled with so many emotions and feelings right now, excitement, sadness, anxiety, nostalgia, and exhaustion. I can’t wait to see everyone and reunite at homecoming, and probably blog more about graduation and Elon in the future when I am thinking more clearly.

But for now, I have to unpack and repack so that I can leave for Myrtle Beach for 3 weeks on Tuesday!!

xoxo

Routine

Well, here it is. Thursday night. My parents and a few of my best friends come into town tomorrow before graduation on Saturday. Endings make me sad. I know there is the cliché ‘when one door closes another door opens’ and ‘endings are just beginnings waiting to happen’, but really they are still the end of something. Tonight is the last night that I will go through my regular bedtime routine. The same routine I have had for 3 years. It’s very boring, actually. Plug in computer, turn on side table light, wash face, brush teeth, pee, turn off big light, take my medicines, check face book and e-mail, turn on my iTunes sleep play list and turn up the volume to 28, turn on fan, plug phone in, set alarm, and turn off light. It doesn’t seem special, but it is routine and I love routine. And I know that tomorrow night with so many family and friends here, I won’t have that routine anymore. So here’s to my last ‘normal’ night in my first college apartment. Goodnight friends.

xoxo

One Month

Wooohooo! Classes are over yall! And graduation is in 3 days! It has all happened incredibly quickly and I am so excited to walk across that stage. Sorry I haven’t been blogging much lately. I have been busy with finals and packing and senior week activities! And unfortunately my blogging frequency probably won’t get much better. In 6 days I will be packing up (again) and moving to Myrtle Beach for a month. I’m going with my campus ministry to a summer program called Summer Beach Project. I went as a student in the summer of 2008 and learned so much! Now this summer, I will be going for a month as a nanny to take care of the project director’s baby boy. He is 3 months old and absolutely precious. I can’t wait to spend time with the little guy, plus get to see some friends and learn even more! I don’t really know what my schedule is going to look like during this next month. I know I have a baby to take care of 7 days a week, 2 weddings to go to, and apartment hunting and lease signing…all within the next month. So excuse me if I am a little bit absent. I promise I will try to update with pictures and little stories! And if you really wanna keep in touch, let me know and I can give you an e-mail address, which I will be able to check more frequently. Until then…

xoxo

22 Days Left...

I have learned more in the past four years than I could have ever imagined. And yes, some years were better than others, but I can honestly say that each year and each set of experiences has really shaped me into the person that I am today. I have learned that I am better at change than I thought I was. I have also learned that I can be independent if I want to be, and that independence is actually very rewarding. I’ve learned that I am an extremely compassionate person and tend to take on the cares of the world, hence the Human Services major. Freshman year taught me that I can adapt. I can make friends and have fun and try new things. Sophomore year taught me that life throws you curve balls and bad things can all pile up at once and people are not a constant in your life, but God is. Junior year taught me independence. It taught me that I could be okay without a whole pack of friends surrounding me. It taught me that I am much stronger and resilient than I ever imagined. Senior year has taught me that it is okay to feel. It is okay to be excited and sad and frustrated and overwhelmed and nervous all at the same time. There is no right way to feel in any given situation. Senior year has taught me that time does not slow down, even if you want it to. You have to learn to roll with the punches or you will get left behind. But really, it doesn’t matter if you get a little behind. As long as you are still moving forward, that’s really all that matters. I have made friends that will last a lifetime and acquaintances who I have been glad to know. I’ve experienced late nights- some were spent climbing the roof of the business center or watching a meteor shower in the bed of a truck, some were spent having deep heart to heart conversations and crying, some were spent in the hospital, and some were spent laughing in the library. I have taken 24 hour road trips to both the mountains and the beach. I have filled trucks with popcorn, windows with peeps, and windshields with post-it notes. I have had an apartment fire and an apartment flood. I have been a Biology major, an Education major, and a Spanish minor, all before deciding on Human Services and Psychology. I have loved and disliked college. But with that being said, I will leave Elon in 22 days with a few regrets and a ton of precious memories.

Growing older, growing up? Could it be??

Wow. Things certainly do happen fast. At this time yesterday I still had absolutely no idea what I was going to do after graduation. Yet in a matter of 12 hours, things seemed to literally just fall into place. My friend Lindsey got into grad school at UNC Charlotte and a few hours later I found out that I met the requirements for the nursing program in Charlotte. So, after talking with the head of the nursing department and with my parents it looks like I will be moving to Charlotte in August! How crazy is that?! With graduation being exactly one month from today, things are actually starting to feel real. It is weird to think that I might be moving away from Wilmington for an indefinite amount of time. I have lived 21 years of my life here. My family is here. My friends are here. I know this city like the back of my hand and I love it with all my heart. And yet I have to move on, which is not to say I won’t be back. It is just strange to be growing up and moving on, which includes moving out. So many things are running through my head. Charlotte is 5 hours away from Wilmington. Will I ever go home on the weekends? Will I go home for holidays? Will I still consider my parents house my home?
For now I am just gonna stick with the basic questions like when can I register for classes or which apartment are Linds and I gonna live in. So here it is folks, growin' older, maybe even growin' up?

I should have studied more freshman year...

17 years. That's how long I've been in school. I am 21 years old and 17 of those years have been spent buying notebooks and pencils in August and counting down days to summer break. Now I am counting down days to graduation. And after that there will be no more school supply shopping in August. So weird.
But anyways, in my 17 years of schooling I don't think I've ever felt as dumb as I do now. I am 21 years old and graduating from a fairly prestigious university in a few months, and yet I have no options. I have applied to nursing schools and been wait listed and I know with my GPA I won't get into any graduate schools. So after graduating high school with honors and getting accepted to a competitive, private university, I will probably end up at a community college. Now, don't get me wrong, there is nothing bad about community colleges. I just feel like I'm going backwards. Like everyone else is making progress, getting jobs, going to grad school, getting married. And I am stuck. I don't know what I want to do with my life, I don't know where I want to live, and I don't know how to even begin figuring out how to do this 'growing up' stuff.
Have you ever felt like you are moving in slow motion while the rest of the world speeds by you? I just wanna scream "STOP! PAUSE! SLOW DOWN!" But really maybe everyone else is on the right track and they are yelling at me to 'pick up the pace' or 'speed up'. I just wish I had a clue of where to start. Maybe then I wouldn't feel so dumb!

Sorry. That was my rant for the night. All done! :)

"So, what do you wanna do with your life?"

For the past semester or two, my peers have all been freaking out about graduation and the lingering question "what am I going to do with my life??" Meanwhile, I have sat back and been pretty calm. (*I am NOT a calm person. I am a very anxious and overly planned person, so this recent sense of peace and calm has been strange).

Then it happened: 10:35pm on March 14, 2011. Let the freakout begin. I don't know what happened or why it just hit me, but I have no idea what I'm doing with my life. Graduation is in 65 days and I am clueless. I have a few ideas of some things I would like to do, but no idea how to put these plans into action. I think the thing that scares me most is that I am an adult. I guess. And unfortunately my desires don't line up with my reality. I would love to be able to have time to figure out what I am doing. A time (other than while taking 5 classes and trying to graduate) to sit and really plan. I would also really really really prefer to not move back home with my parents, long-term, after graduation. Sadly though, if I am busy trying to figure out my life and don't have a job, that means I won't have money to get an apartment either.

I know everyone has their own path and technically it's okay to take time to figure out what you wanna do, but in today's society, or maybe just Elon culture, there is SUCH pressure to find out what you wanna do with the rest of your life and start working towards that the day after graduation. I just wanna scream "I DON'T KNOW! I DON'T KNOW!"...So next time someone asks me what I'm doing after graduation (which is asked at least twice daily), I may reduce to a blubbering pile of tears. I apologize in advance.

Hopefully this crazy pressure/stress/panic will pass soon and I can stop feeling like I'm drowning in thoughts of an unplanned future!

Carrie Bradshaw from SATC says it best: "When you're young, your whole life is about the pursuit of fun, then you grow up and learn to be cautious; you could break a bone, or a heart. You look before you leap, and sometimes you don't leap at all because there's not always someone to catch you. And in life, there's no safety net. When did it stop be fun and start being scary?"

Dreamer

Maybe it’s the fact that graduation is in about 3 months and possibilities for the future are practically endless; maybe it’s the overwhelming amount of time I spend on a TV set, working in a fictional world; or maybe it’s the amount of time spend procrastinating homework…but whatever it is, I have never been as much of a dreamer as I am now- second semester, senior year. Recently, I have found myself spacing out for long periods of time, daydreaming about my future. Some of these dreams are much more realistic than others. And sometimes I snap out of the dreams more excited for the future, and sometimes I end up more disappointed that the dreams are not real life. The cool thing about these day dreams is that none of them are impossible; like I don’t sprout a third arm or gain the ability to fly in any of them. So who knows, maybe with enough determination, hard work, and luck, some of these day dreams can become a reality? Now how exciting is that!?

“I am a dreamer. Take me higher. Open the sky up, start a fire. I believe, even if it's just a dream.” -Bethany Dillon

Last First

Well, I will start by saying HAPPY FEBRUARY! Where the heck did January go? Not that I’m complaining…one month closer to warmer weather and graduation! Which brings me to my next point- tomorrow/technically today is my last first day of classes. After 17 years of school, it’s weird to think that this is it. I know nursing school is technically school, so it might not be my absolute last first day, but I like to think of nursing school more as training since it is so specialized. So this is it. These 5 classes, these 5 professors, and these 5 separate groups of classmates will be the ones who are with me in the very end, when May rolls around and 17 years of schooling come to a sweet, sweet end! Bring it on.

Maybe

124 days until graduation and I can honestly say I’ve never been more over school then I am now. I have also never been more excited, nervous, scared, anxious, and curious all at the same time. Half of me feels like I want to crap my pants in fear, and the other half wants to jump with excitement. As far as the future goes, I am a very planned person and I like what I know, so the plan was always to graduate in May and start nursing school in August. But as the time creeps closer, I can’t help but think, what else is out there? When in my life will I be able to explore my career options and travel and try new things without it being called a midlife crisis? I’m not saying I don’t want to go to nursing school, I’m just saying maybe not right now (which seems to be a common theme in my life, but more on that later). So who knows…maybe I will graduate and…well, first off that’s a big MAYBE…but maybe I will graduate and get into nursing school and move to Nashville or Charlotte and become a settled down adult with a real job. Or maybe I will get an internship in New York and turn into a city girl while developing a love of Starbucks and a lack of manners. Or maybe I will move back home with my parents and slowly go insane…eating toilet paper by the roll and sleeping with a hair dryer…(I just watched My Strange Addiction on TLC). Maybe. There has never been a time in my life where my future has been so wide open and up in the air, and maybe I’m excited, and maybe I’m scared. Maybe you’ll have to keep reading to find out how things turn out!