Hello, my name is Brooke. And sometimes I feel broken.
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| My sweet friend, Jeanette, summed it up perfectly with this one picture. |
Showing posts with label Jesus. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Jesus. Show all posts
Saturday, November 23, 2013
Beautifully Broken
There are times in your life where you feel pulled in a million different directions by nothing in particular. There are times in your life where you feel broken. The dictionary defines “broken” as “being irregular, interrupted, or full of obstacles”. It can be hard to admit that you feel broken. To be honest, it’s hard to admit anytime you feel less than perfect. As humans, we have learned to protect ourselves and our pride by promoting ourselves as whole and together. But if you have lived, you have experienced some sense of brokenness. And yet in our society, broken is seen as bad, so we try our best to become whole again. We attempt to patch our holes and fill our cracks with quick and easy fixes, but these do not last, and eventually we break again. But what if we learn to become okay in our broken state? What if we were to stop striving to be perfect, and realize that we are broken people. We are broken and hole-y people, with a perfect and holy God. We can try to patch our own holes, but we will never succeed without the help of God. Easier said than done, I know. When you are in a situation where you are feeling broken, it’s so easy to go for the quick fix, and so often we think that we know what is best for ourselves. I am so guilty of this. But Psalm 147:3 says, “The Lord heals the broken hearted, and binds up their wounds”. So it’s really not my job to put myself back together. It’s my job to trust that God will make a beautiful mosaic out of my broken pieces, and to remember that we are never broken beyond repair. After all, isn’t a mosaic just a collection of broken pieces, put back together in a beautiful and imperfect arrangement?
Hello, my name is Brooke. And sometimes I feel broken.
Hello, my name is Brooke. And sometimes I feel broken.
Wednesday, August 28, 2013
Praise You in This Storm (May 21, 2013)
This post was originally written back in May and yet was never published. I feel like now is an appropriate time to post, as we all could use a little reminder every once in a while.
May 21, 2013: This weekend, when I arrived at the HFH conference I was surprised to see our conference quarters for the weekend. When I hear conference, I assume hotel. I was very wrong. We stayed in cabins with 6 bunk beds, 12 girls in each cabin. We ate in a cabin that was divided into a serving area and a seating area. And we listened to talks in a covered pavilion. At first I was skeptical. I was not too pleased with the nagging mosquitoes that came out to dine as night came. I wasn’t super happy with the freezing temperatures at night. Mainly I wasn’t pleased with the fact that where I was spending a weekend did not match what I had expected in my mind.
Thursday night, the rains came, and by Friday we were in the midst of a full blown storm. We used umbrellas and ran through the muddy gravel to get from the cabins to the cafeteria to the pavilion. It was cold and wet and I was trying not to be discouraged. We all gathered into the pavilion as Constance, the head of the conference, got up to speak. Constance spoke these simple words that changed my whole outlook. She stated: “As the storm rages around us, remember that we are covered…” In the moment she was speaking about the actual storm blowing around us as we sat in the covered pavilion. But she also was talking about life in general.
It was a beautiful reminder that we are not guaranteed to always have sunny weather or a ideal circumstances in life. We may have disappointments and things may not be exactly as we expect. But when life throws us curve balls, and when the unexpected happens, we are covered. We are covered by Him. We are safe and protected even when life rages on around us.
I was also reminded of another invaluable lesson. If we trust Him, and wait out the storm, there is so much worth waiting for. Because on that Saturday, when the rain cleared, Tennessee was beautiful. The temperatures were much more mild, the bugs stayed at bay, and the sun was shining while we took turns on the tire swings and tetherball. It was a perfect day for a walk around downtown Franklin, and my heart was so full.
By the end of the weekend, what I had realized was that the conference, the location, the speakers, the friendships, were all more than I could have ever expected. What I learned was this: God’s plans were far greater than my plans and my expectations. And even when life feels chaotic and stormy, we are covered and we are safe. As long as we stick it out and trust Him through it, we sometimes end up coming out better and stronger on the other side.
May 21, 2013: This weekend, when I arrived at the HFH conference I was surprised to see our conference quarters for the weekend. When I hear conference, I assume hotel. I was very wrong. We stayed in cabins with 6 bunk beds, 12 girls in each cabin. We ate in a cabin that was divided into a serving area and a seating area. And we listened to talks in a covered pavilion. At first I was skeptical. I was not too pleased with the nagging mosquitoes that came out to dine as night came. I wasn’t super happy with the freezing temperatures at night. Mainly I wasn’t pleased with the fact that where I was spending a weekend did not match what I had expected in my mind.
Thursday night, the rains came, and by Friday we were in the midst of a full blown storm. We used umbrellas and ran through the muddy gravel to get from the cabins to the cafeteria to the pavilion. It was cold and wet and I was trying not to be discouraged. We all gathered into the pavilion as Constance, the head of the conference, got up to speak. Constance spoke these simple words that changed my whole outlook. She stated: “As the storm rages around us, remember that we are covered…” In the moment she was speaking about the actual storm blowing around us as we sat in the covered pavilion. But she also was talking about life in general.
It was a beautiful reminder that we are not guaranteed to always have sunny weather or a ideal circumstances in life. We may have disappointments and things may not be exactly as we expect. But when life throws us curve balls, and when the unexpected happens, we are covered. We are covered by Him. We are safe and protected even when life rages on around us.
I was also reminded of another invaluable lesson. If we trust Him, and wait out the storm, there is so much worth waiting for. Because on that Saturday, when the rain cleared, Tennessee was beautiful. The temperatures were much more mild, the bugs stayed at bay, and the sun was shining while we took turns on the tire swings and tetherball. It was a perfect day for a walk around downtown Franklin, and my heart was so full.
By the end of the weekend, what I had realized was that the conference, the location, the speakers, the friendships, were all more than I could have ever expected. What I learned was this: God’s plans were far greater than my plans and my expectations. And even when life feels chaotic and stormy, we are covered and we are safe. As long as we stick it out and trust Him through it, we sometimes end up coming out better and stronger on the other side.
Sunday, December 9, 2012
My Best Decision
"Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; the old has gone, the new has come!" -2 Corinthians 5:17
5 years ago. December 9th/10th, 2007. A lot had changed that year. I graduated high school, started college, moved away from home… Little did I know that the most important change of my life would come in the middle of the night in the midst of finals in December. I was always a “good girl” growing up. I never drank or really broke the rules. I didn’t go to church though either. So I had no plans to begin attending church when I went away to college. However, on one of the first nights at school, a girl named Amy knocked on my dorm door. Amy was the womens coordinator for Campus Outreach at Elon and seemed really sweet. It did seem a little strange to me that this girl wasn’t a student at Elon and that she was being so nice to me after just meeting me. But at this point I was desperate for friends, so I accepted the offer to hang out with Amy some more. Through Amy I met other girls from Campus Outreach and started hanging out with them. I didn’t drink or party, so it seemed only right that I would hang out with a group of people who had seemingly similar interests. After hanging out with these people I realized that there was something different about them, although I couldn’t specifically pinpoint what it was. After going on the beach getaway and hanging out with these girls more and having conversations with them, I realized that the thing that was “different” was God. After going to church with these girls and hanging out I became embarrassed by my lack of knowledge. As an 18 year old girl, I knew absolutely nothing about Jesus. Everyone was really nice and I was beginning to understand the gospel, but I didn’t think I was ready to make a decision. I knew that accepting Christ into my life would mean giving up control, and I wasn’t sure if I was ready for that. But after some discussions with Paige and Steph, I thought about this issue of control in a different light. I could give up control to a perfect and holy being and take the pressure off of myself. So I thought “this is cool. But not right now. Let me give it some time.” I didn’t have a lot of head knowledge and I didn’t think I was quite good enough yet. When I told Steph this she read me Isaiah 55 which basically talks about “all who are thirsty come drink…” It basically gave me the message of “come as you are” which was such an exciting and foreign concept to me. I didn’t have to clean myself up or be perfect. That was what Christ was for. I still wasn’t sure about what accepting Christ into my life would look like so I was thinking “not now”. Steph challenged me by saying “you saying not saying yes is you saying no. saying not now is saying no.” I hadn’t thought about it in that way and I really didn’t want to be saying no. So on December 10, 2007 I decided to my Christ the Lord of my life. I was half expecting to start floating or flying or something, but that didn’t happen. Things did change though. I did realize what God was doing in my life and how He affected all of my decisions. Since then, I have still struggled with control issues and surrender but my favorite verse- Philippians 1:6- says that He who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus. This promise has been so important to me because it reminds me that I am not perfect and I am not expected to me, but that Christ will continue to work in me and through me. I love looking back at that day 5 years ago. God has changed my life completely and brought me through some hard things, that ultimately have made me stronger. He has been there every step of the way through and continues to grow me in faith and strength. And even on the days when I am tired and things are hard, I know that my God will always be the same God who came into my heart and changed me that December 10th five years ago.
5 years ago. December 9th/10th, 2007. A lot had changed that year. I graduated high school, started college, moved away from home… Little did I know that the most important change of my life would come in the middle of the night in the midst of finals in December. I was always a “good girl” growing up. I never drank or really broke the rules. I didn’t go to church though either. So I had no plans to begin attending church when I went away to college. However, on one of the first nights at school, a girl named Amy knocked on my dorm door. Amy was the womens coordinator for Campus Outreach at Elon and seemed really sweet. It did seem a little strange to me that this girl wasn’t a student at Elon and that she was being so nice to me after just meeting me. But at this point I was desperate for friends, so I accepted the offer to hang out with Amy some more. Through Amy I met other girls from Campus Outreach and started hanging out with them. I didn’t drink or party, so it seemed only right that I would hang out with a group of people who had seemingly similar interests. After hanging out with these people I realized that there was something different about them, although I couldn’t specifically pinpoint what it was. After going on the beach getaway and hanging out with these girls more and having conversations with them, I realized that the thing that was “different” was God. After going to church with these girls and hanging out I became embarrassed by my lack of knowledge. As an 18 year old girl, I knew absolutely nothing about Jesus. Everyone was really nice and I was beginning to understand the gospel, but I didn’t think I was ready to make a decision. I knew that accepting Christ into my life would mean giving up control, and I wasn’t sure if I was ready for that. But after some discussions with Paige and Steph, I thought about this issue of control in a different light. I could give up control to a perfect and holy being and take the pressure off of myself. So I thought “this is cool. But not right now. Let me give it some time.” I didn’t have a lot of head knowledge and I didn’t think I was quite good enough yet. When I told Steph this she read me Isaiah 55 which basically talks about “all who are thirsty come drink…” It basically gave me the message of “come as you are” which was such an exciting and foreign concept to me. I didn’t have to clean myself up or be perfect. That was what Christ was for. I still wasn’t sure about what accepting Christ into my life would look like so I was thinking “not now”. Steph challenged me by saying “you saying not saying yes is you saying no. saying not now is saying no.” I hadn’t thought about it in that way and I really didn’t want to be saying no. So on December 10, 2007 I decided to my Christ the Lord of my life. I was half expecting to start floating or flying or something, but that didn’t happen. Things did change though. I did realize what God was doing in my life and how He affected all of my decisions. Since then, I have still struggled with control issues and surrender but my favorite verse- Philippians 1:6- says that He who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus. This promise has been so important to me because it reminds me that I am not perfect and I am not expected to me, but that Christ will continue to work in me and through me. I love looking back at that day 5 years ago. God has changed my life completely and brought me through some hard things, that ultimately have made me stronger. He has been there every step of the way through and continues to grow me in faith and strength. And even on the days when I am tired and things are hard, I know that my God will always be the same God who came into my heart and changed me that December 10th five years ago.
Wednesday, November 21, 2012
I Will Show You Love
As I was driving the 4 hours home for Thanksgiving break yesterday, I became overwhelmed with silly racing thoughts in my head. I’m generally an anxious person, so 4 hours alone with my thoughts and nothing to distract me is a lot! I decided to pop in an old CD that a friend had made for me. I flipped through the songs, singing the familiar ones and skipping the ones I didn’t know. Then I got to this song. The song is called “I Will Show You Love” by Kendall Payne. I hadn’t listened to it all the way through before and was very tempted to skip over it. However something drew me in and I couldn’t change the song. The beautiful voice and the sweet melody was enough to make me fall in love. I listened to a few of the words and felt like I needed to listen again to fully grasp the lyrics. (Yes, I’m a lyrics person). Here’s what the song says:
“I will show you love like you've never loved before. I will go the distance and back for more if you just say the word. 'Cause you will come alive again, call to try and tend your friend. Pain that you have suffered through will never get the best of you. You will hope in something that won't depend on how you feel. When you call my name then I will answer. 'Cause I am on your side, though the wind and waves beat against your faith. And you are on my mind since when the world was made. Trust in me my child. Walk out on the water, where you have no control. You're scared to death of failure; you'd sacrifice your soul. Please let that go. 'Cause you have climbed an upward hill. You have borne a heavy load. You have cried through endless nights, nearly giving up the fight. Watched your dreams like falling stars. Heartache made you who you are. Looking back, you'd see that I have always been there. 'Cause I am on your side though the wind and waves beat against your faith. And you are on my mind since when the world was made. Trust in me my child. Where're you gonna hide? Where're you gonna go that I can't see? 'Cause I have heard your cry and it breaks my heart for I love you so. I would never lie. This is not the end, there is still a hope. And I am on your side though the wind and waves beat against your faith. And you are on my mind since when the world was made. Trust in me my child.”
I was IMMEDIATELY overcome with chills and a strange sense of peace. These words, this is a love letter from God. “And you are on my mind since when the world was made. Trust in me, my child”. How amazing. God was thinking about each of us individually when he created this world and put us in it. He knows EACH of us individually. “Looking back you’d see that I have always been there”. Always. Even in the hardest times in my life, even when I didn’t know about God and had no relationship with Him, He was there and very present in my life. Looking back, I see that and I know there is no way that He wasn’t present. “Cause I have heard you cry, and it breaks my heart for I love you so”. So comforting. Jesus weeps when we weep. He feels our pain and our joy. He truly wants what is best for us.
Whether you believe in Jesus or not, you have to admit that this is a chillingly beautiful song.
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