Hello, my name is Brooke. And sometimes I feel broken.
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| My sweet friend, Jeanette, summed it up perfectly with this one picture. |
Saturday, November 23, 2013
Beautifully Broken
There are times in your life where you feel pulled in a million different directions by nothing in particular. There are times in your life where you feel broken. The dictionary defines “broken” as “being irregular, interrupted, or full of obstacles”. It can be hard to admit that you feel broken. To be honest, it’s hard to admit anytime you feel less than perfect. As humans, we have learned to protect ourselves and our pride by promoting ourselves as whole and together. But if you have lived, you have experienced some sense of brokenness. And yet in our society, broken is seen as bad, so we try our best to become whole again. We attempt to patch our holes and fill our cracks with quick and easy fixes, but these do not last, and eventually we break again. But what if we learn to become okay in our broken state? What if we were to stop striving to be perfect, and realize that we are broken people. We are broken and hole-y people, with a perfect and holy God. We can try to patch our own holes, but we will never succeed without the help of God. Easier said than done, I know. When you are in a situation where you are feeling broken, it’s so easy to go for the quick fix, and so often we think that we know what is best for ourselves. I am so guilty of this. But Psalm 147:3 says, “The Lord heals the broken hearted, and binds up their wounds”. So it’s really not my job to put myself back together. It’s my job to trust that God will make a beautiful mosaic out of my broken pieces, and to remember that we are never broken beyond repair. After all, isn’t a mosaic just a collection of broken pieces, put back together in a beautiful and imperfect arrangement?
Hello, my name is Brooke. And sometimes I feel broken.
Hello, my name is Brooke. And sometimes I feel broken.
Wednesday, September 18, 2013
Welcome to the World
Today I had the opportunity to see a baby being brought into this world. I couldn’t help but be emotional for this growing family and this baby, who was already so clearly loved. This little girl opened her eyes to our big world for the first time, and I couldn’t help but think of her future. So I decided to write a letter; a letter that she will never see, but hopefully learn throughout life:
Dear sweet baby girl,
Happy birthday and welcome to the world. I know you’re only a few hours old and you’re still getting used to all of the new noises and sights, but there are a few things I want to tell you.
Stay as young as you can for as long as you can. Appreciate your parents, they did a lot to bring you into this world and they are madly in love with you. They may not know everything, but they are learning right along with you. Participate. Don’t let life pass you by because you are afraid or unsure. Jump in head first and explore all of life’s opportunities. Right now your parents are probably looking over every inch of your tiny, perfect body. They are loving your tiny toes, your squishy thighs, your soft round tummy, your fuzzy head. Appreciate your body for as long as you can. Be aware that you have a body and that it is capable of many amazing things, but don’t think too hard about it. You may grow up hearing, “oh you’re so tiny, you’re so beautiful, you’re so cute”. And you are. But you are so much more than that. You are a culmination of many things. You are your memories and experiences, what makes you laugh, and what makes you cry. You are your favorite foods, and the songs you like to sing, and your plans for the future. You are the light that shines in your eyes when you get excited about something. You are your favorite subject in school, and your intelligence that helps you to understand these things. You are a daughter, a friend, a granddaughter, maybe even a sister or cousin. You are a child of Christ, and you are made up of so many wonderful things. But sweet girl, there are also so many things that you are not. You are not your pants size, or the number on a scale, or a grade on a test, or the money you have or don’t have. You are more than the number of friends you have, or the sports you play.
So yes, you are so beautiful; don’t ever forget that. But you are also brave, and strong, and smart, and capable of so many things. So as you go through life, you will face times of hardships and times of doubt. But times of happiness and joy and love are never far away. Happy birthday. And welcome. Enjoy.
Dear sweet baby girl,
Happy birthday and welcome to the world. I know you’re only a few hours old and you’re still getting used to all of the new noises and sights, but there are a few things I want to tell you.
Stay as young as you can for as long as you can. Appreciate your parents, they did a lot to bring you into this world and they are madly in love with you. They may not know everything, but they are learning right along with you. Participate. Don’t let life pass you by because you are afraid or unsure. Jump in head first and explore all of life’s opportunities. Right now your parents are probably looking over every inch of your tiny, perfect body. They are loving your tiny toes, your squishy thighs, your soft round tummy, your fuzzy head. Appreciate your body for as long as you can. Be aware that you have a body and that it is capable of many amazing things, but don’t think too hard about it. You may grow up hearing, “oh you’re so tiny, you’re so beautiful, you’re so cute”. And you are. But you are so much more than that. You are a culmination of many things. You are your memories and experiences, what makes you laugh, and what makes you cry. You are your favorite foods, and the songs you like to sing, and your plans for the future. You are the light that shines in your eyes when you get excited about something. You are your favorite subject in school, and your intelligence that helps you to understand these things. You are a daughter, a friend, a granddaughter, maybe even a sister or cousin. You are a child of Christ, and you are made up of so many wonderful things. But sweet girl, there are also so many things that you are not. You are not your pants size, or the number on a scale, or a grade on a test, or the money you have or don’t have. You are more than the number of friends you have, or the sports you play.
So yes, you are so beautiful; don’t ever forget that. But you are also brave, and strong, and smart, and capable of so many things. So as you go through life, you will face times of hardships and times of doubt. But times of happiness and joy and love are never far away. Happy birthday. And welcome. Enjoy.
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| my welcoming into the world |
Friday, September 6, 2013
Teacher Appreciation
Every once in a while, a person drifts into your life at just the right time, even though you may not know it yet. For me, that person was a teacher; and this teacher was my high school chorus teacher.
For the first year of high school Mr. Horrell was just another teacher. He was funny and I enjoyed his class, but I honestly don’t remember him as a standout part of my freshman year. Sophomore year is when everything changed. When I was 15 my life drastically changed. I can honestly say it was one of the lowest and hardest times of my life. By the second semester of my sophomore year, I decided that attending regular classes wasn’t an option for me anymore, so I was “hospital homebound” (which is basically saying I was self taught at home). During this time I wasn’t leaving my house or really willingly accepting visitors. I was a prisoner to myself and I spent most days in my pajamas wanting to be anyone other than myself. My teachers were all very cooperative and understanding and made sure to send me homework and lessons at home. However, one teacher went above and beyond and reached out to me. Mr. Horrell would call my mom to check in on me and would occasionally send me e-mails, via my mom, to check in and see how I was doing. He kept me informed on what was going on in school and told me that they’d be waiting for me when I was ready to come back. He asked me about my doctors visits and how my progress was coming and offered up advice. He worked with me to make goals for myself. When it was time to take the state writing test (which could not be taken from home!), he offered me his office to sit in to take the test. I remember he talked to my mom and suggested we plan a practice run before the official test day, in order to decrease my anxiety. So during his planning period one day, I saw in his office as we ran through a mock writing test. By junior year, when I was easing my way back into school, he helped me to come up with a plan. It may not seem like much, but it was the small moments that helped me to get through high school.
In all honestly, I’m not sure if I would have made it through high school without the support of an amazing teacher (as well as my parents, friends, and doctors). He saw me at some of my worst times and continued to support me through it. And because of that, we have stayed in touch. Last year, on my 23rd birthday, I was able to spend the evening with my parents, as well as Horrell and his wife. I am forever thankful for this teacher, who turned into a friend.
I thought I’d share an excerpt of what Horrell wrote in my senior year book:
“June 8, 2007
Brooke,
First of all let me say something that 3 years ago I wasn’t sure I would, WOW- YOU MADE IT!!!! It is remarkable, excuse me…you are a remarkably courageous and determined young lady. I am so proud of you for fighting with everything you have. Greatness is measure in different ways, and often confused by those taking the measurement. I would argue that your “fight to finish” is a true mark of greatness, and ranks along side any award or acknowledgement that is given at Saturday’s graduation ceremony. I don’t think I would have done as well as you if faced with the same obstacle!! Rarely in a teacher’s career does a student impact the teacher’s life in a way that changes his approach to teaching, and life for that matter, the way you have impacted me! I am a better person/teacher because of you…”
So teachers, as the school year begins and you’re overwhelmed with chaos and excitement and frustration and exhaustion, please know that what you do matters. And what you say, and the relationships you form, have the ability to change a life.
For the first year of high school Mr. Horrell was just another teacher. He was funny and I enjoyed his class, but I honestly don’t remember him as a standout part of my freshman year. Sophomore year is when everything changed. When I was 15 my life drastically changed. I can honestly say it was one of the lowest and hardest times of my life. By the second semester of my sophomore year, I decided that attending regular classes wasn’t an option for me anymore, so I was “hospital homebound” (which is basically saying I was self taught at home). During this time I wasn’t leaving my house or really willingly accepting visitors. I was a prisoner to myself and I spent most days in my pajamas wanting to be anyone other than myself. My teachers were all very cooperative and understanding and made sure to send me homework and lessons at home. However, one teacher went above and beyond and reached out to me. Mr. Horrell would call my mom to check in on me and would occasionally send me e-mails, via my mom, to check in and see how I was doing. He kept me informed on what was going on in school and told me that they’d be waiting for me when I was ready to come back. He asked me about my doctors visits and how my progress was coming and offered up advice. He worked with me to make goals for myself. When it was time to take the state writing test (which could not be taken from home!), he offered me his office to sit in to take the test. I remember he talked to my mom and suggested we plan a practice run before the official test day, in order to decrease my anxiety. So during his planning period one day, I saw in his office as we ran through a mock writing test. By junior year, when I was easing my way back into school, he helped me to come up with a plan. It may not seem like much, but it was the small moments that helped me to get through high school.
In all honestly, I’m not sure if I would have made it through high school without the support of an amazing teacher (as well as my parents, friends, and doctors). He saw me at some of my worst times and continued to support me through it. And because of that, we have stayed in touch. Last year, on my 23rd birthday, I was able to spend the evening with my parents, as well as Horrell and his wife. I am forever thankful for this teacher, who turned into a friend.
I thought I’d share an excerpt of what Horrell wrote in my senior year book:
“June 8, 2007
Brooke,
First of all let me say something that 3 years ago I wasn’t sure I would, WOW- YOU MADE IT!!!! It is remarkable, excuse me…you are a remarkably courageous and determined young lady. I am so proud of you for fighting with everything you have. Greatness is measure in different ways, and often confused by those taking the measurement. I would argue that your “fight to finish” is a true mark of greatness, and ranks along side any award or acknowledgement that is given at Saturday’s graduation ceremony. I don’t think I would have done as well as you if faced with the same obstacle!! Rarely in a teacher’s career does a student impact the teacher’s life in a way that changes his approach to teaching, and life for that matter, the way you have impacted me! I am a better person/teacher because of you…”
So teachers, as the school year begins and you’re overwhelmed with chaos and excitement and frustration and exhaustion, please know that what you do matters. And what you say, and the relationships you form, have the ability to change a life.
Sunday, September 1, 2013
Pediatric Cancer Awareness Month
September. The beginning of fall, a new school year, pumpkin spice lattes, cooler temps, and pediatric cancer awareness month. As many of you know, I work on a pediatric oncology/hematology floor in a childrens hospital and am extremely blessed to work with this population. These kids are some of the bravest, strongest, and sweetest people I’ve ever met, and they are facing the challenge of a lifetime. Pediatric cancer doesn’t just affect the child, but the whole family. Unfortunately, each day 36 children are diagnosed with cancer.
On November 9th, I will be walking in the CureSearch walk. The CureSearch walk celebrates and honors children whose lives have been affected by childhood cancer, while raising funds for lifesaving research.
This is a cause that is very near and dear to my heart and I would love all the support I can get. Please take a few minutes to check out my personal page, and see what you can do to help (donate money, volunteer, spread the word)! These kids deserve a future, and we can help give them that!
http://www.curesearchwalk.org/faf/donorReg/donorPledge.asp?ievent=1058928&lis=1&kntae1058928=BB511A7D4EA140FF9166C5C26789279D&supId=390172865
On November 9th, I will be walking in the CureSearch walk. The CureSearch walk celebrates and honors children whose lives have been affected by childhood cancer, while raising funds for lifesaving research.
This is a cause that is very near and dear to my heart and I would love all the support I can get. Please take a few minutes to check out my personal page, and see what you can do to help (donate money, volunteer, spread the word)! These kids deserve a future, and we can help give them that!
http://www.curesearchwalk.org/faf/donorReg/donorPledge.asp?ievent=1058928&lis=1&kntae1058928=BB511A7D4EA140FF9166C5C26789279D&supId=390172865
Wednesday, August 28, 2013
Praise You in This Storm (May 21, 2013)
This post was originally written back in May and yet was never published. I feel like now is an appropriate time to post, as we all could use a little reminder every once in a while.
May 21, 2013: This weekend, when I arrived at the HFH conference I was surprised to see our conference quarters for the weekend. When I hear conference, I assume hotel. I was very wrong. We stayed in cabins with 6 bunk beds, 12 girls in each cabin. We ate in a cabin that was divided into a serving area and a seating area. And we listened to talks in a covered pavilion. At first I was skeptical. I was not too pleased with the nagging mosquitoes that came out to dine as night came. I wasn’t super happy with the freezing temperatures at night. Mainly I wasn’t pleased with the fact that where I was spending a weekend did not match what I had expected in my mind.
Thursday night, the rains came, and by Friday we were in the midst of a full blown storm. We used umbrellas and ran through the muddy gravel to get from the cabins to the cafeteria to the pavilion. It was cold and wet and I was trying not to be discouraged. We all gathered into the pavilion as Constance, the head of the conference, got up to speak. Constance spoke these simple words that changed my whole outlook. She stated: “As the storm rages around us, remember that we are covered…” In the moment she was speaking about the actual storm blowing around us as we sat in the covered pavilion. But she also was talking about life in general.
It was a beautiful reminder that we are not guaranteed to always have sunny weather or a ideal circumstances in life. We may have disappointments and things may not be exactly as we expect. But when life throws us curve balls, and when the unexpected happens, we are covered. We are covered by Him. We are safe and protected even when life rages on around us.
I was also reminded of another invaluable lesson. If we trust Him, and wait out the storm, there is so much worth waiting for. Because on that Saturday, when the rain cleared, Tennessee was beautiful. The temperatures were much more mild, the bugs stayed at bay, and the sun was shining while we took turns on the tire swings and tetherball. It was a perfect day for a walk around downtown Franklin, and my heart was so full.
By the end of the weekend, what I had realized was that the conference, the location, the speakers, the friendships, were all more than I could have ever expected. What I learned was this: God’s plans were far greater than my plans and my expectations. And even when life feels chaotic and stormy, we are covered and we are safe. As long as we stick it out and trust Him through it, we sometimes end up coming out better and stronger on the other side.
May 21, 2013: This weekend, when I arrived at the HFH conference I was surprised to see our conference quarters for the weekend. When I hear conference, I assume hotel. I was very wrong. We stayed in cabins with 6 bunk beds, 12 girls in each cabin. We ate in a cabin that was divided into a serving area and a seating area. And we listened to talks in a covered pavilion. At first I was skeptical. I was not too pleased with the nagging mosquitoes that came out to dine as night came. I wasn’t super happy with the freezing temperatures at night. Mainly I wasn’t pleased with the fact that where I was spending a weekend did not match what I had expected in my mind.
Thursday night, the rains came, and by Friday we were in the midst of a full blown storm. We used umbrellas and ran through the muddy gravel to get from the cabins to the cafeteria to the pavilion. It was cold and wet and I was trying not to be discouraged. We all gathered into the pavilion as Constance, the head of the conference, got up to speak. Constance spoke these simple words that changed my whole outlook. She stated: “As the storm rages around us, remember that we are covered…” In the moment she was speaking about the actual storm blowing around us as we sat in the covered pavilion. But she also was talking about life in general.
It was a beautiful reminder that we are not guaranteed to always have sunny weather or a ideal circumstances in life. We may have disappointments and things may not be exactly as we expect. But when life throws us curve balls, and when the unexpected happens, we are covered. We are covered by Him. We are safe and protected even when life rages on around us.
I was also reminded of another invaluable lesson. If we trust Him, and wait out the storm, there is so much worth waiting for. Because on that Saturday, when the rain cleared, Tennessee was beautiful. The temperatures were much more mild, the bugs stayed at bay, and the sun was shining while we took turns on the tire swings and tetherball. It was a perfect day for a walk around downtown Franklin, and my heart was so full.
By the end of the weekend, what I had realized was that the conference, the location, the speakers, the friendships, were all more than I could have ever expected. What I learned was this: God’s plans were far greater than my plans and my expectations. And even when life feels chaotic and stormy, we are covered and we are safe. As long as we stick it out and trust Him through it, we sometimes end up coming out better and stronger on the other side.
Finding Beauty at the OB/GYN
The title is pretty straight forward and maybe a little bit shocking. Hang with me for another minute to see what I mean...(and yes, Dad, it's safe to read).
In nursing school you see many different views of the human body; inside, outside, dead, alive, old, young, and everything in between. But today I saw a completely different view than I’m used to. I saw beauty in imperfection. Let me explain…
I’m about a week into my maternity rotation, and to be completely honest, have not really loved anything about the birthday process in general. However, today was my first clinical day and I was in an OB/GYN clinic. My job was to give a few shots, observe a few exams, and hold a few babies. And I learned a lot from doing all of these things. But my greatest lesson came to me when I was least expecting it. There was a mother who had recently given birth to the most adorable twins. As she walked back into the office I noticed something different about her. Most of the women before her had been very hesitant when stepping onto the scale; however, this sweet mother happily stepped on the scale, and yet she never took her eyes off of her babies, sitting happily in the stroller. She didn’t care about the number; she cared about her two precious gifts. And in that moment I saw such a beauty in her. No, she didn’t have the “ideal” body (or what society has deemed “ideal”). Her eyes looked tired. Her shirt had a mysterious stain on the shoulder. Her stomach was soft and round. And yes, her eyes were tired, but they were also beautiful and full of love and pride as she showed off her babies to the whole office. Her shirt was stained probably from cuddling one of her sweet little ones. Her stomach was soft because it just housed 2 precious lives for 9 months. I have no doubt that this woman’s eyes will see tears and laughter as her babies grow. Her shirt will continue to get stained from spit up, arts and crafts, or school projects. Her arms will get strong from holding those growing babies, and her legs will get a work out chasing 2 toddlers around the house. And her heart will swell with pride, and grow more than she could ever have imagined.
Today I did not judge a less-than-perfect woman based on her appearance (as I so often do with myself). Today I saw the beauty in imperfection. So maybe I still don’t know exactly what a cervix feels like, or how to read an ultrasound. But I did see some very cool things today, and learned some very important lessons. And for that I am thankful.
In nursing school you see many different views of the human body; inside, outside, dead, alive, old, young, and everything in between. But today I saw a completely different view than I’m used to. I saw beauty in imperfection. Let me explain…
I’m about a week into my maternity rotation, and to be completely honest, have not really loved anything about the birthday process in general. However, today was my first clinical day and I was in an OB/GYN clinic. My job was to give a few shots, observe a few exams, and hold a few babies. And I learned a lot from doing all of these things. But my greatest lesson came to me when I was least expecting it. There was a mother who had recently given birth to the most adorable twins. As she walked back into the office I noticed something different about her. Most of the women before her had been very hesitant when stepping onto the scale; however, this sweet mother happily stepped on the scale, and yet she never took her eyes off of her babies, sitting happily in the stroller. She didn’t care about the number; she cared about her two precious gifts. And in that moment I saw such a beauty in her. No, she didn’t have the “ideal” body (or what society has deemed “ideal”). Her eyes looked tired. Her shirt had a mysterious stain on the shoulder. Her stomach was soft and round. And yes, her eyes were tired, but they were also beautiful and full of love and pride as she showed off her babies to the whole office. Her shirt was stained probably from cuddling one of her sweet little ones. Her stomach was soft because it just housed 2 precious lives for 9 months. I have no doubt that this woman’s eyes will see tears and laughter as her babies grow. Her shirt will continue to get stained from spit up, arts and crafts, or school projects. Her arms will get strong from holding those growing babies, and her legs will get a work out chasing 2 toddlers around the house. And her heart will swell with pride, and grow more than she could ever have imagined.
Today I did not judge a less-than-perfect woman based on her appearance (as I so often do with myself). Today I saw the beauty in imperfection. So maybe I still don’t know exactly what a cervix feels like, or how to read an ultrasound. But I did see some very cool things today, and learned some very important lessons. And for that I am thankful.
Wednesday, August 7, 2013
I'm BACCCCKKKKK!
I’m ashamed at how long it’s been since I’ve last blogged. Between nursing school and working at the childrens hospital, most of the things I do with my day are protected by HIPAA, meaning I can’t share any fun stories with you! But to catch you up a little bit, here are the things I can share:
1. I finished my behavioral health rotation with an A!
2. I got a JOB at the local children’s hospital. I’m working on the pediatric oncology floor, which is exactly where I wanted to end up. I love my coworkers and my kids.
3. I went to Nashville, TN for the Hungry for Hope conference and it was life changing. I made some amazing friends and learned some great lessons.
4. I finished my adult health rotation, where I was on a gynecological oncology unit. I hated it.
5. I went to a crazy bachelorette weekend for my best friend. I don’t do crazy.
6. I turned 24. Yikes!
7. I got on an airplane and flew to Connecticut ALONE (which is huge for me!)
8. While in Connecticut, I went to my cousin’s wedding and we took a day trip to Mystic, CT and Watch Hill, RI. I want to move to Watch Hill. It was gorgeous beyond words.
9. We found Taylor Swift’s house in Watch Hill and mom made friends with the security guards. She’s never met a stranger, that mother of mine.
10. My best friend, Emily, got married and I got to do fun bridesmaids things all week. It was a beautiful wedding, but it was emotionally and physically exhausting.
11. I said goodbye to said best friend, as she left for Croatia for her honeymoon and then is moving to Tennessee. BOOOOO.
12. I drove to Florida with my roomie to visit our friend Katie.
And now on Saturday, I’M MOVING! I’ll still be in the same city; I’m just moving to a house closer to school and work. I’ll be the 4th girl living in the house, so it should be fun. The whole street is owned by the school, so it’s all houses with students and people from my classes. I’m excited for this next chapter in my life, but I’m also nervous. First of all, I hate packing and unpacking and the physical act of moving. Second, I’m going to miss my current roomie. Linds and I have lived together for a total of 3 years now, and we’re very comfortable together. It will be different moving in with strangers and moving so far away from Lindsey. Third, I have never lived in a house with 3 other people before. That’s a lot of girls under one roof, so we will see how that goes.
Anyways, I’m going to try to get back to regular blogging once I get moved in and settled!
1. I finished my behavioral health rotation with an A!
2. I got a JOB at the local children’s hospital. I’m working on the pediatric oncology floor, which is exactly where I wanted to end up. I love my coworkers and my kids.
3. I went to Nashville, TN for the Hungry for Hope conference and it was life changing. I made some amazing friends and learned some great lessons.
4. I finished my adult health rotation, where I was on a gynecological oncology unit. I hated it.
5. I went to a crazy bachelorette weekend for my best friend. I don’t do crazy.
6. I turned 24. Yikes!
7. I got on an airplane and flew to Connecticut ALONE (which is huge for me!)
8. While in Connecticut, I went to my cousin’s wedding and we took a day trip to Mystic, CT and Watch Hill, RI. I want to move to Watch Hill. It was gorgeous beyond words.
9. We found Taylor Swift’s house in Watch Hill and mom made friends with the security guards. She’s never met a stranger, that mother of mine.
10. My best friend, Emily, got married and I got to do fun bridesmaids things all week. It was a beautiful wedding, but it was emotionally and physically exhausting.
11. I said goodbye to said best friend, as she left for Croatia for her honeymoon and then is moving to Tennessee. BOOOOO.
12. I drove to Florida with my roomie to visit our friend Katie.
And now on Saturday, I’M MOVING! I’ll still be in the same city; I’m just moving to a house closer to school and work. I’ll be the 4th girl living in the house, so it should be fun. The whole street is owned by the school, so it’s all houses with students and people from my classes. I’m excited for this next chapter in my life, but I’m also nervous. First of all, I hate packing and unpacking and the physical act of moving. Second, I’m going to miss my current roomie. Linds and I have lived together for a total of 3 years now, and we’re very comfortable together. It will be different moving in with strangers and moving so far away from Lindsey. Third, I have never lived in a house with 3 other people before. That’s a lot of girls under one roof, so we will see how that goes.
Anyways, I’m going to try to get back to regular blogging once I get moved in and settled!
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| Hungry for Hope and Bachelorette weekend! |
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| my birthday, Taylor Swift's sign outside of her house, and me and my cousin at a wedding! |
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| pouting about Em moving, laying out in Florida, and me and Em at her wedding |
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