“Well I have to hold back sometimes because if I were fully
me, I’d be too much for people to handle. But you have to be open and honest
with people too, because that’s how connections are made!”
“It sounds very strategic…”
“It sounds very strategic…”
And then the question was asked, “What would it mean to be
your authentic self? To be totally, completely, 100% Brooke.”
What would it mean to be my authentic self? Honestly, I’m
not quite sure. Every once in a while, I see glimpses. When I confess a
struggle to a friend over coffee. Or when I allow myself to cry instead of
taking a nap. Or when I’m lying on my parents couch belly laughing to a stupid
TV show with my best friend. Most of the time, I don’t really know who my
authentic self is. Maybe that’s part of being a twenty-something. Or maybe that’s
part of being a human. I don’t know. But I do know who I want the authentic me
to be.
I want to be confident. I want to be caring & kind &
compassionate & recognize that I can be all of these things and still say “no”
sometimes. I want to be loved. Not because of what I look like, or my
accomplishments, but because of who I am. I want to be a reliable, trustworthy,
& loyal friend. I want to be fun, while still maintaining my morals and
boundaries. I want to be able to love without fear. I want to be okay with
being alone. I want to be someone who is able to be hopeful in all
circumstances. I want to be independent, and yet not afraid to ask for help. I
want to be a mother. I want to be a mother whose children never doubt how loved
they are. I want to love myself so that I never doubt how loved I am. I want to
be a woman of faith. I want to rely on God and be able to fully trust His
promises. I want to be excited about my future & learn from my past. I want
to feel acceptable & accepted. By myself and by others.
So maybe I don’t know exactly who my authentic self is right
now. But I know who I want to be, and that's gotta count for something.
