26 Lessons

April 1^st. Every year, this date stands out in my mind, and it’s not because of some trick or practical joke. April 1^st, 2009 the world lost a bright soul; my sweet friend Milena won her battle with cancer. I think of Milena throughout the year at random times, and sometimes it makes me happy and sometimes it makes me sad.

I remember waking up that Wednesday morning and walking over to my friend Amanda’s dorm to put some final touches on our bible study plan for the night. We led a group of 5 girls every Wednesday night, and this night was to be no different-studying the Bible, giggling, junk food, and fellowship. We finished planning and I went on with my day. I remember I was having lunch with a friend when my phone rang. It was Amanda. I figured she was calling about bible study, and planned to call her back. But she kept calling. And as she kept calling, my frustration grew. I don’t remember a lot of that day, but I vividly remember the next words I heard as I answered the phone: “Brooke. I need to tell you something. (cue me expecting a lame April Fools prank. And how I wish it was all just a prank). Milena died. Her mom just called. She’s gone.” I’m assuming I hung up the phone. I’m assuming the rest of the people in the cafeteria kept eating and talking. I’m assuming the world kept spinning. But for me, in that moment, time stood still. This was no joke. Milena Alvarez died on April 1^st 2009 after a long battle with cancer. Milena was one of the freshman girls in the bible study I led. The world lost an amazing, sweet, hilarious, super sassy, fighter that day.

This year, Milena would have been 26 this year. So to honor her, here are 26 lessons I’ve learned from Milena and other amazing cancer warriors I have met throughout the past few years.

1.       Every day is a gift. The good and the bad days. They are all a gift.

2.       No one’s life is perfect, and there’s nothing you can do about it.

3.       You can’t save people, you can only love them.

4.       Accept life’s challenges as they come. Because they will come.

5.       Don’t spend too much time worrying about the future. We aren’t guaranteed a tomorrow.

6.       “Go ahead and pee your pants a little bit. I won’t judge.”

7.       It’s good to have friends who accept you for who you are.

8.       Sympathy only gets you so far. Strength gets you further.

9.       You don’t need hair to be beautiful. A bright smile is the most beautiful thing you can wear.

10.   “If we all threw our problems into a pile and saw everyone else’s, we’d quickly grab ours back”.

11.   Sarcasm is an art form.

12.   It’s okay not to be okay. Sometimes we need our friends and family. Sometimes they need us.

13.   Everyone deals with life differently. There is no right or wrong way.

14.   Everyone comes into your life for a reason. To teach you a lesson, to bring you a smile.

15.   Live with great intention. Make every moment count.

16.   Rest. There’s nothing wrong with intentionally setting aside time for yourself.

17.   Every person has a story. And every story matters.

18.   Never take yourself too seriously.

19.   Life is not fair. That does not mean life is not good.

20.   Community matters.

21.   No matter how you feel, show up to life. Even if you show up in your pajamas. Participate.

22.   Your story, your illness, your circumstances are valid and important. But they do not define you.

23.   People who throw their head back as they laugh are some of the best people to be around.

24.   Cream cheese goes with everything.

25.   Sometimes making memories is more important than grades. Take breaks. Go to TCBY. It’s ok.

26.   With the right friends, you can get through anything.

I will never forget Milena’s laugh, the way she would throw her head back and laugh loudly. I will never forget her sarcasm and great sense of humor. I will never forget our bowling trips and Bible studies. And I can only hope to handle myself with the same grace, strength, and class when faced with difficult situations. So Milena, Hey girl, heyyyy! It was truly an honor and blessing to know you and be a part of your life. Rest in peace, Milena. You are missed. Gone, but never forgotten.

 

 

Becoming Real

“Real isn't how you are made,' said the Skin Horse. 'It's a thing that happens to you. When a child loves you for a long, long time, not just to play with, but REALLY loves you, then you become Real.'
'Does it hurt?' asked the Rabbit.
'Sometimes,' said the Skin Horse, for he was always truthful. 'When you are Real you don't mind being hurt.'
'Does it happen all at once, like being wound up,' he asked, 'or bit by bit?'
'It doesn't happen all at once,' said the Skin Horse. 'You become. It takes a long time. That's why it doesn't happen often to people who break easily, or have sharp edges, or who have to be carefully kept. Generally, by the time you are Real, most of your hair has been loved off, and your eyes drop out and you get loose in the joints and very shabby. But these things don't matter at all, because once you are Real you can't be ugly, except to people who don't understand.” 

One of my favorite passages from any book, ever, happens to be from The Velveteen Rabbit. I believe that this is such an incredible metaphor for how we are made and molded by God. In the beginning, the horse states that real is not how you are made, but rather a process that you have to go through. He explains that becoming real happens when you are truly and deeply loved and that it’s not always a pleasant experience. He even goes as far as saying that through the process of becoming real, “most of your hair has been loved off, and your eyes drop out and you get loose in the joints and very shabby.” I don’t know about you, but that doesn't sound too pleasant to me. And that is exactly what I am learning in this season of my life. God is working in me. It may not always be in ways that are comfortable or ideal and I often find myself questioning why God is choosing to show his love for me in ways that often make me feel broken. But I am realizing that I would rather “become real” and allow God to shape and mold me into the person He has created me to be, because all of the hardships and brokenness are just proof that God is working in me and is loving me throughout the process. So as hard as it may be, I would rather be worn down and broken and deeply loved than to be left in “perfect” condition, all alone.