"So, what do you wanna do with your life?"

For the past semester or two, my peers have all been freaking out about graduation and the lingering question "what am I going to do with my life??" Meanwhile, I have sat back and been pretty calm. (*I am NOT a calm person. I am a very anxious and overly planned person, so this recent sense of peace and calm has been strange).

Then it happened: 10:35pm on March 14, 2011. Let the freakout begin. I don't know what happened or why it just hit me, but I have no idea what I'm doing with my life. Graduation is in 65 days and I am clueless. I have a few ideas of some things I would like to do, but no idea how to put these plans into action. I think the thing that scares me most is that I am an adult. I guess. And unfortunately my desires don't line up with my reality. I would love to be able to have time to figure out what I am doing. A time (other than while taking 5 classes and trying to graduate) to sit and really plan. I would also really really really prefer to not move back home with my parents, long-term, after graduation. Sadly though, if I am busy trying to figure out my life and don't have a job, that means I won't have money to get an apartment either.

I know everyone has their own path and technically it's okay to take time to figure out what you wanna do, but in today's society, or maybe just Elon culture, there is SUCH pressure to find out what you wanna do with the rest of your life and start working towards that the day after graduation. I just wanna scream "I DON'T KNOW! I DON'T KNOW!"...So next time someone asks me what I'm doing after graduation (which is asked at least twice daily), I may reduce to a blubbering pile of tears. I apologize in advance.

Hopefully this crazy pressure/stress/panic will pass soon and I can stop feeling like I'm drowning in thoughts of an unplanned future!

Carrie Bradshaw from SATC says it best: "When you're young, your whole life is about the pursuit of fun, then you grow up and learn to be cautious; you could break a bone, or a heart. You look before you leap, and sometimes you don't leap at all because there's not always someone to catch you. And in life, there's no safety net. When did it stop be fun and start being scary?"