Monday, June 25, 2012

Cats are evil.

Lions, tigers, and bears (oh my!). All of these are animals that are super cute as babies, but then grow up to be pretty dangerous to humans. Most people don’t have these animals as pets, simply because they are not meant to live in captivity.
I feel the same way about house cats. Lions, cheetahs, leopards, tigers. All cats. All dangerous. So why do we invite these small creatures to live in our homes? Yes yes, they are very cute as babies, but so are bears. Cats are mentally and physically evil. They use their big eyes and fluffy bodies to draw you in. When they are kittens they play with yarn and purr and roll around like adorable creatures. But then they grow up. Their eyes get squinty, they get hairballs, and they start using your legs as scratching posts. They also pee on your bed (hence why I am currently making my bed on the couch tonight and ranting about cats). Perhaps their biggest scam is when they rub against you, purring, making you relive the moments when they were sweet, innocent kittens. Just as you are getting caught up in the moment and start to scratch their heads, they turn around and bite you with their evil fangs. Long story short, if we have accepted cats as house pets, we might as well open our doors to raccoons, bears, snakes, and black widows. Can I get an amen?

PS- If you doubt me, go ahead and turn off the lights, then shine a flashlight on a cat. All you’ll see it 2 glowing orbs of evil. Proof that they have Voldemort or the devil inside of them.

Friday, June 22, 2012


WTF?! Who still gets cavities? Meth heads and little kids (who arguably act the same). I don’t brush my teeth with frosting, so what the heck is up with a big gaping hole in the back of my mouth. I’m offended by this cavity, actually. I’m 22 years young. What have I done to deserve a hole in one of my BONES? And it’s not just a tiny little speck. It’s a freaking huge hole. Like people could get lost in there. How did I not notice it until today? How was I oblivious to the fact that there is a huge crater living in my tooth? I’m angry. And in pain. The whole right side of my face has its very own heartbeat. And I have no dental insurance and I’d really rather spend my parent’s money on something other than a filling. Like any other dysfunctional 22 year old, I’d rather be spending their money on therapy or clothes. However, I guess part of growing up is getting cavities filled instead of shopping. Whatever.

**I drew this picture because I'm bored and dramatic. It's pretty much realistic except I don't wear lipstick and my top lip doesn't look like that and I'm not actually smiling cause it hurts. And I actually don't have big gaps between my bottom teeth. But other than that, it's pretty much like looking at a real life photograph.

Wednesday, June 20, 2012

Faith in Humanity

Really bad drivers. Customer service workers who don't smile. People who run into you and then get angry. People who hate babies and/or puppies. Nickelback. Snookie. Bad things happening to good people. Disease. Poverty. The ecomony. Hunger. Human trafficking.

These are all things that make me lose faith in humanity. And now that I've thoroughly depressed you, I'll make my point.
Sometimes life gets overwhelming and the world seems so big and mean and harsh and full of terrible things. And maybe it is. But it's also full of beauty and joy and happiness and genuinely amazing humans. So let's take time to be inspired by the goodness in the world.

Here are 21 pictures to restore your faith in humanity. Enjoy!

Tuesday, June 12, 2012

Forever a child

Things that make you an adult:

1. Eating spinach on your sandwiches
2. Not crying while getting dressed in the morning
3. When you say “kids these days” and actually mean it
4. When your friends start getting married
5. When your friends start having kids on purpose
6. Not sitting at the kids table during Thanksgiving dinner
7. Not watching the Disney channel in your spare time
8. Knowing how to budget
9. Getting the newspaper daily
10. Having a set of good towels
11. Having Satellite radio
12. Listening to Howard Stern
13. Drinking hot tea
14. Being repulsed when people pass gas
15. Using words like "repulsed"

Reasons I am not yet a grown up:

1. I cry when I get dressed. My closet and lack of clothing options is overwhelming and I’m apparently emotionally fragile
2. I still sit at the kids table during Thanksgiving dinner.
3. I burn napkins, beans, and rolls over a candle at the kids table during Thanksgiving dinner
4. I watch the Disney channel in my spare time and even when I’m supposed to be doing other things
5. I don’t know how to budget. At all.
6. I don’t like the newspaper. The feeling of it makes me cringe. And I think it smells bad
7. I have a set of good towels that my mom bought me (so that probably doesn’t even count), but I hate them and I don’t understand the point
8. I’m going to a Justin Bieber concert in January
9. Most of my clothes are from Forever 21
10. I still like to do cartwheels in my back yard. And at the beach. And everywhere.
11. Because I have dance parties in my car to Taylor Swift and I've never seen an adult do that
12. I still get emotionally invested in shows on ABC Family
13. I don't own dress pants
14. I still think it's really really funny when people fart
15. I still use the word 'fart'
and most importantly...BECAUSE I DON'T WANT TO BE AND YOU CAN'T MAKE ME!

Saturday, June 9, 2012

JTH Class of 2007

With local high school students graduating tomorrow, I’ve been thinking a lot about my own high school graduation 5 years ago. I was at a good place in my life. I was happy, I had plans for the future, and I had friends and family supporting me. And yet all I can remember about my high school graduation is the panic that set in the actual day of graduation. I don’t remember being sad about leaving my friends, or excited for my accomplishment. I remember the panic. What was I so panicked about, you may ask. What am I almost always panicked about? Fear. Two of my uncles, my aunt, and my grandmother all flew down from Maine and Connecticut for the occasion, which was so nice. And yet that didn’t help with the building anxiety. The 4 local high schools are on a rotation for graduation times, and that year my school was set to graduate last, at 7pm. This meant I had a whole day to prepare for graduation. Some of my friends spent the day going to parties or getting their hair or nails done. I spent the day curled up in fetal position in my parents water bed. Something in my brain was telling me “you can’t do this. It’s a crowded auditorium. You’ll panic and get stuck and make a fool out of yourself in front of tons of people, including your family. Stay in bed. Don’t go”. I sat in bed crying and shaking and generally feeling nauseated at the thought of going to graduation. I knew I had to go and walk and do it. My family had flown in just to see my graduate; I couldn’t let them down! And so with some coaxing from my parents, I got myself out of bed, put on my dress, cap, and gown, and rode down to UNCW with my dad. I honestly don’t remember standing in line with my classmates, or sitting in the crowd, or even walking across stage to get my piece of paper. I vaguely remember going back to a classroom and getting my actual diploma, and taking pictures with friends. But all in all, graduation was not a wonderful memory for me. In fact, when I think back to my high school graduation, yes I’m proud that I graduated (especially since the odds were against me at one point), but I think what I’m most proud of is the fact that I did it. I went to graduation. I think that walking across that stage was my one final hoorah to high school panic.

Friday, June 8, 2012

Everything's changing.

“We either adapt to change or get left behind. It hurts to grow; anybody who tells you anything else is lying. But here’s the truth, sometimes the more things change the more they stay the same; and sometimes, sometimes change is good, and sometimes change is everything.”
If you know me at all you know that change is like, my least favorite thing ever (along with confrontation, wasabi, and Nickelback). People say that change is constant, which is true, because if it wasn’t then we’d all be living a Groundhog Day type scenario, which would super suck since that is another one of my least favorite things ever. So while change is constant, there are definitely different levels of change. For instance, when I’m at school and I have a routine and a schedule, things change very little from day to day. I change my clothes, I might change what I eat, and there might be a few other variations in my day. But all in all, the changes are relatively small and don’t produce a lot of anxiety. But then there are times when it seems everything is changing all at once. Schedules change, opinions change, thoughts, feelings, attitudes, beliefs, and people all change. And when all of these things start changing at once, it becomes the perfect storm of anxiety for me. It’s not that I don’t accept change. I do. If I didn’t accept change, I’d never grow and I’d miss out on some pretty amazing opportunities. My problem is that I delay change by holding onto the past. I get left behind. While others grow and change and adapt, I get stuck. I get stuck watching everyone else move on with their lives while I sit and hold onto every little bit of normalcy I possibly can. So yes, I’d agree that “we either adapt to change or get left behind” and that “it hurts to grow”, and even that “sometimes change is good, and sometimes change is everything.” However, I don’t understand that “sometimes the more things change the more they stay the same”. That’s a lie that other people tell people like me in order to reduce anxiety. But I don’t need to be lied to. The more things change, the more they change. They don’t stay the same. Nothing ever does. But I guess, if nothing ever changed there’d be no butterflies, right?

Saturday, June 2, 2012

Mirror Face

You guys. Today has been monumental.
*Warning: This blog post is long, overly dramatic, and pretty much about nothing. Enjoy!

Here’s some a lot of back story. Apparently every girl has a “going out” face or a “mirror” face. As an only child, I was deprived of sharing a bathroom or getting ready with people in the morning. Therefore, I did not know about mirror faces until much later. (Just another area of my life I was sheltered in. Sigh) The first time I remember someone pointing out my mirror face was 3 years ago in my junior year of college. I was living with my roommate, Megan, in a small, one bathroom apartment. This meant that Megan and I were often in the bathroom at the same time getting ready for classes or other things. I would go through my normal hair and makeup routine and then give myself one last look before leaving. Everyone does that. Everyone has that one last look, an inspection, to make sure their beauty efforts were thorough enough. This I knew. However, I did not know that some people make different faces in the mirror as part of their final inspection. I am one of those people. After getting ready and doing my “last looks”, I would make a face that would then cause me to say “Ugh. Why do I look like this?”. My roommate would then proceed to say “well maybe if you didn’t make that face, you wouldn’t look like that”. Touché, roommate, touché. I still really wasn’t aware of the face I was making and just shrugged it off as a normal thing. I kind of forgot about my apparent mirror face until this past January. I went to California with my new roommate, Lindsey, and it was here that we shared a bathroom and a mirror to get ready in the morning. One morning as we were getting ready, Lindsey pointed out my mirror face. In fact, I am fairly positive we had the exact same “Why do I look like this?” “Why are you making that face?” convo that I had had with Megan. Well good gosh, people! What the heck is going on here? I argued and claimed that I don’t have a “mirror face” that I make everyday and that she was crazy. However, after it now being pointed out to me twice, I was becoming suspicious of myself. After a few days of being aware of my potential mirror face, I realized that it is true. I do have a mirror face. And it is strange. And my friends have all apparently known this for much longer than I have. (By the way “friends”, if you have broccoli in your teeth, I would tell you right away. So WHY did it take you all so long to warn me that I make a pouty, ugly face in the mirror every single dag on day!) Just when you think you know everything about yourself, something like this happens and it throws you for a quarter life crisis. I mean, who am I? What are my values and beliefs? How long have I been making this face? WHY?

So here’s the face. I can describe it in great detail, as I have recently studied it in the mirror extensively. I raise my eyebrows, pout my lips, tilt my chin down, and fluff my hair. Why? Why do I do this? Does it make me prettier? Nope. It actually makes me look like a deranged Olsen twin.

HOWEVER, (and to finally bring this post to the reason that today has been monumental) today I discovered someone else who has a mirror face too! Actually, not only do they have a mirror face, but they have pretty much the same mirror face as I do! Shay Mitchell from Pretty Little Liars has the same mirror face as me! I don’t know how this happened (maybe we were separated at birth, maybe not), but I do know that she looks better then me when she does it, and her friends also make fun of her. I mean, people have noticed it enough to make a whole Youtube collaboration video about. Apparently mirror faces are that serious.

So yes, my mirror face is important enough to me that I dedicated a whole, long blog post about it. But ya know what, I bet I got you thinking about your “mirror face”.