The Emergency Room- A Novel

Let me start this post by giving you some background information. A little over a year ago I was diagnosed with POTS, or Postural Orthostatic Tachycardia Syndrome, which is a form of Dysautonomia. If you are wondering what the heck that is, don’t worry…I would say about 80% of doctors don’t know either. Anyways, after hours of convulsing limbs, shaky hands, and the inability to stand for more than 60 seconds without completely blacking out, I decided it was time for a trip to the local Emergency Room. And because it’s always such an awful interesting experience, I decided to share some of my favorite ER moments from today.
1. The Arrival- I checked in and explained my symptoms. They immediately brought me a wheelchair and my friend Laura wheeled me into the waiting room. That was fun, other than the fact that the rolling of the wheelchair made me incredibly dizzy.
2. The Fake Out- After about 45 minutes of waiting, they called my name. Could it be? Could the wait really be so short. Nope. They just wanted to take my vitals and ask me some questions.
3. The Interrogation- The sweet nurse, Brandy (who I have had many funny experiences with in the ER before, but luckily she doesn’t remember me), asks me what’s going on, takes my blood pressure and temperature. She then goes on to ask me a long list of questions. My personal favorites were “So you have low blood pressure. Why?” Well isn’t that the million dollar question, lady! And then my second favorite was “You are really pale. You have no color. Are you usually this pale?” Um, nope. But if I was you would have just made me feel really self conscious. She then follows up with “go back to the waiting room and we will call you back to take some blood in a minute.”
4. The Blood- After waiting a minute an hour in the waiting room, I am finally called back to have some blood taken. Yada yada yada, normal blood draw. Low blood sugar was found. They tell me they are going to get me some orange juice and then they never do. Again, I am sent back to the waiting room.
5. The Food- After sitting in the waiting room for countless more hours and hearing the same news being broadcast over the TV again and again, Laura and I decided to bust up the boredom with a vending machine snack. Jumbo Rice Krispy treats were sure to get my blood sugar back up! After still more waiting, we decided the snacks weren’t gonna cut it and it was fast approaching dinner time; so Laura went home, got her computer, some jackets, and some Subway sandwiches for us to feast on while wasting away in the ER on a Sunday night.
6. The Fake Out (Part 2)- I was sure that the next time they called my name I would be going back. Nope. Just as Laura walked through the doors with our sandwiches, they called my name again. I was so excited, I shut my book without a bookmark and threw everything into my bag. “We just wanna check your blood pressure again. Okay, thanks. Go have a seat in the waiting room.” Cruel, cruel joke.
7. The Move- After more waiting, and a delicious sandwich, they finally called my name. Me, Laura, and some pregnant woman all got herded to the back of the emergency room, where they then shepherded us to our rooms. Room 17 for me!
8. The Wires- Shortly after getting in my room, some random nurse lady hooked my up to a million electrodes, a pulse ox, and a blood pressure cuff that promised to go off every 30 minutes (which it didn’t).
9. The Blur- The next few hours all ran together. At some point Laura told me jokes and sang me songs. At some point, I unhooked myself from a million wires to go to the bathroom. I literally could have just escaped and no one would have noticed. And at some point Laura and I did word search races, which I dominated.
10. The Doctor- Finally the sweet and actually really good doctor came in. We chatted, she looked in my ears, listened to my lungs, and all that jazz. I explained that I had dysautonomia and she responded with “oh that’s sad. A person your age shouldn’t even know what dysarrythmia is!”…further proof that no one knows what my condition is. She explained that she would have the nurse, Lisa, come in and start some IV fluids and run an EKG while they waited for my lab work.
11. The Man in Room 15- Unfortunately for me, and even more unfortunately for the old man, my across the hall neighbor (aka the man in room 15) seemed to be peeing blood through his catheter. Because the hospital really doesn’t do a great job with privacy, Laura and I watched as a flood of doctors and nurses went in and out of his room to check on his internal bleeding. Eventually they decided to move him upstairs. But because this poor man was legitimately ill, there were no nurses to come give me my IV. So the IV that was promised to me, was not actually given until 2 hours later.
12. The Help- Nurse Lisa came in to see me only after the man in room 15 had been whisked upstairs. She started my IV drip (thank God) and decided to do some orthostatic blood pressure tests. Although my blood pressure didn’t drastically change from lying to sitting to standing, I could certainly tell the difference. The spots and black that covered my eyes when I stood up was not fun.
13. The End- After my IV bag was finished, they ran an EKG, took out the IV and told me to hit the road. Finally. As I was walking out, Brandy, one of the many nurses from before, yelled to me “Didja pink up??” (referring to my paleness that she so kindly pointed out earlier). I wanted to stick my tongue out or maybe even flip a finger, but I resisted, and instead smiled and gave her the thumbs up.
And that, my friends, was my entire Sunday. I hate the ER.